Lessons Life Taught Me

Assalamualaikum,
A very good evening to my fellow readers.

Well, now I’m up and its 1am, i am sleepy but i cant seem to fall asleep. I had a glass of milk alhamdulillah and it just came to mind that i should update a post in my blog. Today i will be doing a topic mostly will be for my own benefit as i will be doing a post advising myself and my fellow readers. But yeah, mostly it’s like me talking to myself. In this post i will try my best not to inflict bad assumptions towards anyone, i will try not to mention a single soul that knows me and i will watch my language. And sorry if my english isn’t so good, its been a whole decade since i came back from London, so my english became a little rusty. Here we go...

Bismillah, well it has been a really challenging semester for me. Its one week before the final, I’m at home because its Aidil Adha. I wish i was at my kampus(uitm kuala pilah) so i could like study for my finals and not be here playing with my laptop. So far this semester i have come to learn many things from the challenges life throws at me. Well firstly, im not the religious type. I dont do the things a religious person does. Astarfirullahala’zim. But i’ll tell you something, life... It’s only for Allah swt. No matter how you put it, Allah swt is the reason you’re here on planet earth. Whether you like it or not, you’re alive and that doesn’t give you the right to take away your own life. Ofcourse there’s a reason you’re here on earth, not matter how useless, sinful and terrible you are, if you’re alive, than Allah swt is giving you a chance to repent. So i’ve been reading the news about how many people are dying in Mekkah while they do their haji and umrah, so many lost their lives while committing themselves to Allah swt and yeah they died in one of the best ways. Then it hit me, so many good people dying, a sign? If you ever heard a ceramah or read about kiamat, you’ll know that before kiamat happens, the righteous people will die so they don’t have to encounter the horrible days of kiamat. Ok, kiamat is maybe closer than i thought (i said to myself) and it gave me some awareness that I have to change myself before its too late. Lesson number one.

Going on, there’s a majority of friends around me that has a significant other... And i’m here like literally single. LITERALLY. Haha, ok I’m not gonna lie, i want a significant other too...but i don’t have one. And to make things worst, some of my friends don’t realize that they are neglecting me. I won’t blame them, I mean who wants to spend time with such a hot tempered, sarcastic and over thinking diva like me? No one. There maybe times I go crazy and wished I haven’t messed up my old relationship (it wasn’t 100% my fault though) but then one day, i was really stressed out with friend problems(my fault) so i called up one of my besties.( She’s working and being educated at the same time), let’s call her B. So i told B how much of a loser i felt being alone and unwanted and she told me this; “Oh yeah I’m alone too, no one wants me (she’s lying) and I’m too busy anyway. All I’m focused about is working and saving money so by 25 I could travel! That has always been my dream, so I’m not gonna let some petty feelings get in my way” BAM! I was like duuuuude! That’s so awesome and mature of you! She is literally carrying out her dream (in sya Allah it will happen) and i told myself, I’m here complaining about feeling unwanted while my friend is literally fulfilling her dreams! So i realize, I have a future waiting for me, why should i let these petty feelings get in my way, my studies and my peace? Plus, devils are always around trying to push you to fulfil your nafsu so it kept me thinking how nice it would be to have someone by my side. I went to this ceramah where the ustaz told the audience, don’t let the devil fool you to see maksiat or what is against Allah to be wonderful and beautiful. There was a reason my relationship ended with my ex, and I’m glad it did. I’m just advising myself here, don’t pursue what was not meant to be, don’t pursue what is against Allah and don’t pursue something that will destroy you even though it’s the one thing that you want the most.

Carrying on. Read these words, satisfaction, greed, money, beauty, lust and power. The things that destroy humanity since humans existed on earth. Why am i talking about this? I’m human too, i have greed and i’ll never be satisfied with the things i have. So what makes me think I have the right to stand up against these. Thanks to twitter, I’ve been following accounts that post on daily about Islam and the world. It kept showing on my time line, about muslims around the world suffering and dying. I see photos of kids sleeping on the dirt ground, fathers losing their child in war and mothers being killed just because they are muslims. I sit here, comfortably on a carpet in a safe home. When i feel a little hungry or thirsty, food and water is always there for me. I have education, transport, money and gadgets. Why on earth, just why do I sometimes feel so jealous seeing rich people with their money. Why do i compare my situation with people who are gifted with money and status? Why don’t i feel satisfied? I could be considered one of the luckiest person alive. I was born a muslim in Malaysia, I grew up in England for 6years, I have traveled Europe, I have felt the six seasons and I’m fluent in English. Plus I’m studying my dream coarse in Kuala Pilah . It is more than I deserve. Allah forgive me for being so selfish. What I’m saying is that we humans are never satisfied, but we should learn to be thankful and try to put ourselves in the shoes of others that are less fortunate. Note to self, this world will never satisfy me, ofcourse because this world is not perfect. Jannah(paradise) is perfect and it will be more than satisfying, i just have to sacrifice my dunya for my akhirat. This dunya is just like a finger in the ocean, so small, so petty compared to akhirat, so why would i waste my life giving in to this dunya, disobeying Allah when i know that akhirat is the eternal and final destination of us humans and only the righteous are given paradise while the wronged will be tossed into hell fire.

Moving on, what goes around comes around. Believe me this is exactly 100% true. Its either you notice it happens or not. Example, i say that i hate lazy people and i will not imagine myself being as lazy as they are. Bam, a week after I just realize how i am one of the most laziest person to study for an upcoming test. Another example, i don’t help my parents around the house doing chores (when i was still in school), now no one helps me do chores. Things like this literally happen, so my advise to myself, watch what you say, always have manners towards others, don’t do bad to others and keep a sincere heart. Allah promised that every good deed will be repaid. So why expect people to notice how helpful you have been? Allah promised good things will happen when you do good, so I keep reminding myself this and alhamdulillah it’s true. Example, this friend of mine kept asking for my food, annoying at first but i learned to sincerely share my food, one day I’m out of money and I desperately needed to use money, one of my friend generously paid for my food and transport, alhamdulillah. There are many more situations that happened but yeah i’m too lazy to type.

WOW its already 2am. Now i feel sleepy. Alhamdulillah I got the chance to share a little about my life to you guys. Sorry if it wasn’t interesting or just too over acting. What I wrote here is for the benefit of myself as I’m the type to walk the talk, so i will carry out changes in my life and I pray, in sya Allah that this post will benefit ya guys too. There are people out there who consider me to be fake or a hypocrite, I would like to apologise if i have done wrong to any of ya. I used to be one of the worst, but I’m slowly trying to change myself. In sya Allah we all will change to become better. Ok enough said, goodnight peeps and never stop dreaming big!

Sincerely,
Hazlin Emira