Accepting One's Self

Assalamualaikum,
Good day ya guys!

Well i suddenly felt like writing (practically typing though) about the importance of being yourself. It suddenly struck me that a former friend of mine just doesn't like me for who i am. Don't get me wrong, i surely have cons of myself but other than just my cons, that person just hated me and accused me for being fake. Well that wasn't nice. Haih...

I did blame myself firstly, I blamed me for being talkative, too cheerful or because I'm the type to take things too easily. Yeah other than that I have cons, alot of disadvantages of having a friend like me. I'm really hot headed, I get angry easily and maybe I'm too sensitive sometimes. I can't keep interest in one thing for a long time and most guys say I have a personally of a guy. Maybe meaning that I am a rough type of person. Just to justify myself I was brought up with a violent brother who would beat me up if I associated myself with anything girlish. I had a tough childhood by being pressured by my brother to act like a boy and never having back up from anyone. (maybe i should of stood up for myself).

But now this is me, I'm shy with people I don't know but very energetic with my best pals. I am brave at sometimes, but such a scaredy cat when it comes to supernatural stuffs and movies. I like to listen to Taylor Swift and one direction, but I also love to listen to mild rock such as Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens. I like to have pretty things but I also like to have some rock sense but don't worry, nothing haram ofcourse. I love to show my identity of a muslim women, but some days i just feel like rocking out with boyish cloths. Yes I have the right for showing my true colours and self but ONLY if the true colours of myself is NOT against the laws of Allah swt.

Now some of you might be cursing me saying that im a hypocrite. Yes its ok being yourself, but know that everything has it's limits and we humans know what is right and wrong. Only go for the things that are right. Example, this girl who does not have the looks of a model, she is interested with make up. Go ahead, there's nothing wrong with that, people judge her saying she isn't even pretty with or without make up. Neglect those negative vibes judgmental people give, do what you like but as long as it isn't wrong. If she wore make up to impress guys instead of her self satisfaction than that is wrong and she should stop. But she does it for her passion for make up beauty.

You see, you can never shut the mouths of people who judge and discriminate you. What is important is that you are true to yourself. It's much better feeling alive and doing the right thing even if its against the crowd, than covering up the dead inside, faking yourself just to be accepted by this ruined society. For me if this former friend of mine does not like me, than let it be, I don't need someone in my life to force me to become somebody I'm not just so they could accept me. To all my friends, i would like to say I love you all. Each and everyone of you has your pros and cons, i get it we're all humans and none of us could run from the fact that we are never perfect. So in sya Allah I accept ya guys sincerely and we all should tolerate with each other and make ourselves become a better person than we were before.

And i would like to take this moment to apologise to those who I might have misinterpret and judge. I used to think rock music is ridiculous, but now I kinda understand why people like rock. So thats from me, I'm just posting this so maybe some people  might think out of the box and accept others more rather than judging them.

sincerely,
Hazlin Emira

Lessons Life Taught Me

Assalamualaikum,
A very good evening to my fellow readers.

Well, now I’m up and its 1am, i am sleepy but i cant seem to fall asleep. I had a glass of milk alhamdulillah and it just came to mind that i should update a post in my blog. Today i will be doing a topic mostly will be for my own benefit as i will be doing a post advising myself and my fellow readers. But yeah, mostly it’s like me talking to myself. In this post i will try my best not to inflict bad assumptions towards anyone, i will try not to mention a single soul that knows me and i will watch my language. And sorry if my english isn’t so good, its been a whole decade since i came back from London, so my english became a little rusty. Here we go...

Bismillah, well it has been a really challenging semester for me. Its one week before the final, I’m at home because its Aidil Adha. I wish i was at my kampus(uitm kuala pilah) so i could like study for my finals and not be here playing with my laptop. So far this semester i have come to learn many things from the challenges life throws at me. Well firstly, im not the religious type. I dont do the things a religious person does. Astarfirullahala’zim. But i’ll tell you something, life... It’s only for Allah swt. No matter how you put it, Allah swt is the reason you’re here on planet earth. Whether you like it or not, you’re alive and that doesn’t give you the right to take away your own life. Ofcourse there’s a reason you’re here on earth, not matter how useless, sinful and terrible you are, if you’re alive, than Allah swt is giving you a chance to repent. So i’ve been reading the news about how many people are dying in Mekkah while they do their haji and umrah, so many lost their lives while committing themselves to Allah swt and yeah they died in one of the best ways. Then it hit me, so many good people dying, a sign? If you ever heard a ceramah or read about kiamat, you’ll know that before kiamat happens, the righteous people will die so they don’t have to encounter the horrible days of kiamat. Ok, kiamat is maybe closer than i thought (i said to myself) and it gave me some awareness that I have to change myself before its too late. Lesson number one.

Going on, there’s a majority of friends around me that has a significant other... And i’m here like literally single. LITERALLY. Haha, ok I’m not gonna lie, i want a significant other too...but i don’t have one. And to make things worst, some of my friends don’t realize that they are neglecting me. I won’t blame them, I mean who wants to spend time with such a hot tempered, sarcastic and over thinking diva like me? No one. There maybe times I go crazy and wished I haven’t messed up my old relationship (it wasn’t 100% my fault though) but then one day, i was really stressed out with friend problems(my fault) so i called up one of my besties.( She’s working and being educated at the same time), let’s call her B. So i told B how much of a loser i felt being alone and unwanted and she told me this; “Oh yeah I’m alone too, no one wants me (she’s lying) and I’m too busy anyway. All I’m focused about is working and saving money so by 25 I could travel! That has always been my dream, so I’m not gonna let some petty feelings get in my way” BAM! I was like duuuuude! That’s so awesome and mature of you! She is literally carrying out her dream (in sya Allah it will happen) and i told myself, I’m here complaining about feeling unwanted while my friend is literally fulfilling her dreams! So i realize, I have a future waiting for me, why should i let these petty feelings get in my way, my studies and my peace? Plus, devils are always around trying to push you to fulfil your nafsu so it kept me thinking how nice it would be to have someone by my side. I went to this ceramah where the ustaz told the audience, don’t let the devil fool you to see maksiat or what is against Allah to be wonderful and beautiful. There was a reason my relationship ended with my ex, and I’m glad it did. I’m just advising myself here, don’t pursue what was not meant to be, don’t pursue what is against Allah and don’t pursue something that will destroy you even though it’s the one thing that you want the most.

Carrying on. Read these words, satisfaction, greed, money, beauty, lust and power. The things that destroy humanity since humans existed on earth. Why am i talking about this? I’m human too, i have greed and i’ll never be satisfied with the things i have. So what makes me think I have the right to stand up against these. Thanks to twitter, I’ve been following accounts that post on daily about Islam and the world. It kept showing on my time line, about muslims around the world suffering and dying. I see photos of kids sleeping on the dirt ground, fathers losing their child in war and mothers being killed just because they are muslims. I sit here, comfortably on a carpet in a safe home. When i feel a little hungry or thirsty, food and water is always there for me. I have education, transport, money and gadgets. Why on earth, just why do I sometimes feel so jealous seeing rich people with their money. Why do i compare my situation with people who are gifted with money and status? Why don’t i feel satisfied? I could be considered one of the luckiest person alive. I was born a muslim in Malaysia, I grew up in England for 6years, I have traveled Europe, I have felt the six seasons and I’m fluent in English. Plus I’m studying my dream coarse in Kuala Pilah . It is more than I deserve. Allah forgive me for being so selfish. What I’m saying is that we humans are never satisfied, but we should learn to be thankful and try to put ourselves in the shoes of others that are less fortunate. Note to self, this world will never satisfy me, ofcourse because this world is not perfect. Jannah(paradise) is perfect and it will be more than satisfying, i just have to sacrifice my dunya for my akhirat. This dunya is just like a finger in the ocean, so small, so petty compared to akhirat, so why would i waste my life giving in to this dunya, disobeying Allah when i know that akhirat is the eternal and final destination of us humans and only the righteous are given paradise while the wronged will be tossed into hell fire.

Moving on, what goes around comes around. Believe me this is exactly 100% true. Its either you notice it happens or not. Example, i say that i hate lazy people and i will not imagine myself being as lazy as they are. Bam, a week after I just realize how i am one of the most laziest person to study for an upcoming test. Another example, i don’t help my parents around the house doing chores (when i was still in school), now no one helps me do chores. Things like this literally happen, so my advise to myself, watch what you say, always have manners towards others, don’t do bad to others and keep a sincere heart. Allah promised that every good deed will be repaid. So why expect people to notice how helpful you have been? Allah promised good things will happen when you do good, so I keep reminding myself this and alhamdulillah it’s true. Example, this friend of mine kept asking for my food, annoying at first but i learned to sincerely share my food, one day I’m out of money and I desperately needed to use money, one of my friend generously paid for my food and transport, alhamdulillah. There are many more situations that happened but yeah i’m too lazy to type.

WOW its already 2am. Now i feel sleepy. Alhamdulillah I got the chance to share a little about my life to you guys. Sorry if it wasn’t interesting or just too over acting. What I wrote here is for the benefit of myself as I’m the type to walk the talk, so i will carry out changes in my life and I pray, in sya Allah that this post will benefit ya guys too. There are people out there who consider me to be fake or a hypocrite, I would like to apologise if i have done wrong to any of ya. I used to be one of the worst, but I’m slowly trying to change myself. In sya Allah we all will change to become better. Ok enough said, goodnight peeps and never stop dreaming big!

Sincerely,
Hazlin Emira

Language of study

   The problem Malaysians are facing now is the educational studies in which some are on Bahasa while other subjects are in English. Why is this a problem?

   Primary, secondary and high-school in Malaysia now are teaching subjects in bahasa. But when it comes to universities or college, students are taught most subjects in English, especially for science and law students.

   The matter is a problem as students find it hard to adapt to a learn subject in a language they were not taught at the beginning. This might result to low performance of students in their studies and high failure rate among them.

   We need to take this matter seriously as it could effect the future of the country. It is highly recommended that students are taught subjects in English. The reason for this statement is because English is an universal language which is used all around the world. For student who would be traveling to foreign countries would find this very important and handy.

   Just because English is recommended as the language of most subjects, it must not be taken for granted that bahasa melayu is also an important language especially in the southeast of Asia.

Break Time

    Looks like I'm gonna take a break from writing my short story. A busy time for me~ Sorry. But yet again, who even reads my blog posts? Haha... To you who do, I wanna say thankyou with all my heart. See you soon~

    Sincerly, Hazlin Emira :)

The Silver Feather : Chapter 3 The Silver Secret Part 1

    After George was laid on a mattress in the living room downstairs, I went back up to mum's room. It was tough carrying George down the stairs, luckily Scarlette assisted me but it was still a struggle. Up the stairs I walked, spotting the blood spatter on the hall way floor infront of mum's room. My heart sank thinking of the danger George put himself through.

    I entered mum's room, there the broken door laid on the wooden floor. The two dead witch's bodies were still in the room covered with blood and stinking up the room. The stench was horrible. Again, I almost vomited breathing in the horrid smell of blood and dead bodies starting to rot. I had to do what I had to do, so I opened the windows of mum's room wide open and dragged each body to the window. I lifted the bodies and pushed them out the window one by one. It landed on the ground outside the cottage.

    I couldn't resist the urge to throw up, so I threw up out the window. Vomit hurled out my mouth as if it was forced out. I felt sick to the bones and very queasy. I turned around facing mum's room, blood was all over mum's yellow carpet. I looked at myself, my shirt was covered with blood stains. What a dreadful moment my family have been through. My eye's than scanned the room. Mum's bed sheet had a little spatter of blood, while the blue carpet on the left side of the bed was clean from blood stains.

    On the yellow carpet, next to the blood stains  was the metal cylinder I held earlier. I walked towards it, blood was on it's blade end. I picked it up. The head of the metal was shaped like a water droplet upside down and it was surrounded by silver petals. In the head was a feather, trapped in the crystal water droplet. It was neatly up right, silver in colour and it sparkled in the light a little. Such beauty it was. Then I realized, the metal cylinder I was holding was a staff. Not an ordinary staff though, it wasn't made of wood like the staff witch hunters used, it was made of silver and crystal.

    Why was the staff under mum's bed? What was the light the staff gave out just then. Magic? The only magic I knew existed was black magic. Again I asked myself, why in the world was the staff under mum's bed? Did it belong to my dear mum? Frustrated I was, trying to answer all the questions in my head. After a few silent seconds, I shook my head and woke up from my day dream.

    I knew the staff had to be precious, so I decided to store it in a safe place. Under the blue carpet next to mum's bed, was a trap door. I rolled the carpet half way and got down on my knees. It was hard to find the small handle of the trap door because it was camouflage to look just like the wooden floor. Brushing my fingers on the floor, I suddenly felt a little hinge, I intersect my finger into it and pulled the door open. I picked up the staff next to me, noticing there was still some blood on it, I took my shirt off and cleaned the staff with the parts of the shirt that wasn't stained by blood. I glanced inside the small space of the trap door, there were a few books. I've never seen them before, when I was a kid I used to use this place as a hiding place for when I wanted to cry alone. Yet, all these years living inside this small cottage, this was the first time setting my eyes upon these books. My curiosity grew, but I ignored it. I placed the staff gently in the trap door and sealed the door. I pushed back the carpet and turned around walking out of mum's room.

                                                                              *****

The Silver Feather : Chapter 2 The Saving Light

    My heart was pumping blood heavily, I could feel my chest moving as my heart pumped faster and faster. My palms were sweaty and shivering. I could see Scarlette and Alice were shivering too. I held them in my arms, it made me feel safer but it didn't help lower my anxiety. Terrified I was, but even more terrified for Sarlette and Alice's safety.

    The sound of the horses were getting closer and closer. Until it stopped. The witches were infront of the cottage. I heard the front door was knocked down with a thud. Then I heard the stomps of boots hitting the wooden floor. The sounds of those footsteps were underneath the room.

   "Niall, what ever happens. Take care of Scarlette and Alice! Don't let them be in harms way" said George on the other side of the door.

    "Ofcourse!" I answered firmly but without confidence.

    I heard George locked the door from outside and pushed the key under the door. I stood and took the key, pushing it in my left pocket. Then I went back to the corner where Scarlette and Alice were. On the floor we sat shivering in fear, my imagination was running wild, dark thoughts came to my mind. I imagined the brutal things the witches could do. I have heard many tales about witches and some stories from the country folks about the harm witches had done to their late relatives, all cruel and brutal. Suddenly, something catched my eyes. Under mum's bed something was reflecting light.

    I was curious what was shiny enough to reflect so little light from under the bed. I heard footsteps comming up the stairs. My curiosity grew. I just have to know what was under mum's bed. I stood up and ran to mum's bed. I squatted and reached my arm under the bed. I felt a cold metal. Without warning, I heard George shouted, defending himself. I grabbed the metal and went back to Scarlette and Alice. The witches were here. 

    Out of fear, Alice started to cry, Scarlette tried her best to calm Alice down but she too was dripping tears from her eyes. A few seconds later  it was silent besides the cries of Alice I heard nothing. Not even George. What happened to him? I thought the worst, and when things couldn't get any worst, it did. The door to mum's room thud. The witches were trying to come in. I held the metal cylinder in my hand, holding it in a defense position. Behind me Scarlette and Alice cried while holding each other. I had to keep them safe. If the witches came close I would hit them with this metal thing I was holding.

    The door was hit again, another thud was made. Soon after a few more blows the door took, it slammed down to the floor. There they were, three witches, two with a horrifying look while one, in the middle, her face was beautiful. Her eyes were grey, lips red as blood and hair was long and pure black. But as her eyes met mine, I felt a cold shiver up my spine, her eyes were full of evil.  

    "Hmmm... What a handsome young boy you are. It's a I shame I have to rip out your bones out for the ritual." said the witch with a slight chill in her words.

    Sweat ran down my face, I was breathing so heavily and my heart was pumping fiercely in my chest. The witch then gave a signal to the two other horrible looking witches to attack me. They came closer and closer. I held the metal cylinder in my hand tightly. Without, the two witches sprinted at me. But I was faster, I hit one witch on the head and knocked her down. The other tried to grab my head, I ducked and with all my force I stabbed the witch in the chest. Blood squirted out her chest and on to me, I pulled the metal out after the witch dropped to the floor. I was surprised to know that the metal I held had a sharp edge at the end just like a blade. The witch I hit on the head was trying to get up after a hard blow on the head I gave her. Panicking, I stabbed her in the back before she could get up on her two legs. Blood spattered out and the witch dropped dead. I was disgusted seeing that much blood and the smell of the blood reeked. I was sick to the tummy and almost vomited.

    Scarlette and Alice were still behind me shivering in shock to what they had saw. The one witch stood there at the door with her face astonishment but it soon changed. She gave a wicked smile. I held the metal in my hand as tight as I could. Unexpectedly, the head of the metal started to give out light. It shined silver light, brighter and brighter it became. It was so bright I had to cover my eyes with one arm while holding it with the other. Through the vivid light I saw the witch backing away and finally set off. I heard the horse set off and sooner the sound of the horse galloping came to an end as it ran further away. The light of the metal became dimmer and dimmer and finally it went out. What ever that light was, it saved my life.

    I threw the metal onto the floor and approached Scarlette and Alice quickly and hugged them. Tears ran down my eyes as they both held me tight, they too cried along with me. Although I couldn't tell whether it was tears of relief or tears of fear. After a few seconds, I asked whether Scarlette and Alice were alright, they both nodded silently. Then I remembered George. I straight away stood up and ran to the entrance of the room. There he was lying on the floor of the hall way unconscious. Again tears filled my eyes and a stream of tears ran down my face dripping off.

    "George! George! Wake up! Wake up George! Wake up..." I cried holding him in my arms. 

    He didn't looked hurt, but yet he didn't look well. Apart from four scratches on his left arm that drew blood, nothing else of his body was injured. I laid my hand over his chest, his heart was still beating so that meant he was still alive, but for how long?

The Silver Feather :Chapter 1 The Odd Apperance

    The sun shined bright with it's golden rays entering my room. Dust floating in the air were visible and looked like golden dust as the rays of the sun hit them. I sat up on my bed and stretched out my arms. I took a deep breathe and gazed upon the curtain covering my window, it too shone bright due to the rays of the golden sun. It was another lovely morning to wake up too and I knew I had to get up to help my brother with his farm.

    I stood up taking steps away from my bed and towards my door. I pulled the towel hanging on my door and turned it's handle. Walking down the stairs, the sounds of my footsteps were being heard from my niece. She looked up at me from the kitchen and gave a sweet smile. She was a sweet little toddler aged 3, and i loved her dearly. I smiled back. I walked to the toilet of the cottage and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I didn't want to take a bath yet knowing that I would be working at the farm and sweating. I took a good look in the mirror infront  of me. My messy brunette hair, green eyes, tanned skin, broad shoulders and rosy red cheeks. I wet my hair a little just and washed my face again, then drying my face and hair with the towel.

   After refreshing myself up, I head towards the farm behind the cottage. There my brother kneeled on the ground watching me arriving. I straight away started my work. I started working at the farm at a young age, but it used to be me, George and dad. But dad had passed away two years ago. Now it was just me and George. We chatted a little while doing our work and then suddenly I heard something.

    It was the sound of horses. It was strange because this cottage was distanced from the village and not many people would come around. I looked up at the woods at the east of the farm. I could see shadows that soon became figures. Three black horses were running towards the cottage, and on each horse was a person in black cloaks. Everything they wore was black. Somehow I felt uneasy looking at them getting nearer from a distance. George stood up and looked as he saw a ghost.

    "Niall! Get in the house now!" shouted George with a firm voice. "NOW!"

    I was shocked, my heart beated fast and I ran to the house, George behind me. Soon in the house George shut the door locked and cried out for his wife and child. Hearing George's cry they ran to us in the kitchen.

    "Lock the doors! Close the curtains! Get inside the room and don't come out until I say so!" George ordered to his wife Scarlette.
    "What's going on?! Who are they?" I insisted for an answer.
    "Witches!" George answered without even looking at me, he was busy locking the doors.

    Witches? I had never seen a witch in my life, things were running through my head. Why were they here? What do they want? What would they do to us? I was terrified, but even more terrified of things that may happen to Scarlette and her daughter Alice. We all entered my Mum's room but George. He stood outside the room for our safety. I insisted of staying outside with him but he told me to watch Scarlette and Alice in the room for him. So I did what I was told.